The following is… well, it’s something… written specifically for ex-girlfriends and former women I’ve dated, some of which specifically want nothing to do with me any more… however, I think this also applies to any kind of dropped connection, too:

You don’t need to have anything to do with me, I understand that.  You don’t even need to be my friend, I also understand that.  I screwed up and handled the break-up and/or how I treated you when we dated incredibly poorly, I definitely understand that.  I am really crazy, like probably chemically crazy, we can probably both agree on that, too.  And, of course, people often just don’t want to associate with exes (or crazy people), I understand and respect that clearly as well.

Nevertheless, I happen to still think you’re pretty cool, so…

What I also understand is that there is often an unhealthy, if minor and mildly annoying, tension – an almost NEED that we artificially create in our minds to protect ourselves – a subconscious (or very concious) game of thinking about how to avoid a person that we previously had some kind of fallout with whenever they happen upon us.  At least, that’s what happens on my end.  Of course, I know I am not the most popular guy in the world, so your side and your thoughts when seeing me in a room could be quite different, but generally, I think that’s what happens.  Negative energy ensues.

But, I also think we all have kind of a common bond, and that’s our mutual associations, friends, and, potentially, future social exchanges of some kind, all of which remains worthwhile.  As for the latter, I’m talking “exchanges” of information, business, or maybe even service, in the least.  I think we just can’t close the “mutually beneficial” doors that life may present to us from time to time.  I know that in my chosen industry, a networker’s paradise, we pretty much never ignore a soul because someday we might be working for them, and vice versa.  Even if not financially.  You might show up for that community volunteer gig and find out the guy you loath is the one with the clipboard!

Anyway, despite all of that, there is a wall that we’ve propped up by our pasts.  It’s this imaginary blockade that requires people to have to circumnavigate it when sailing the social seas.  But, it’s a wall that just doesn’t need to be there, and I personally think it will relieve everyone involved if we just let it go.  Letting it go doesn’t mean becoming insta-friends, or hugs or high-fives, or even smiles; it’s just a shattering of notions, a dismissal of the preconceived (without forgetting the past – which past prevents those hugs and high-fives and maybe even smiles from reoccurring to begin with – trust me, I know how bad I can be).  It’s just an armistice and a decompression, that’s all anybody needs, and all that I seek, so that when encountering a room full of mutual connections one is not thinking about who they hope is not there and so that one is instead simply looking at a room of people and friends, known or not known, and not thinking about anything – there are no mental chess games taking place.  If we manage that, then there are no fake smiles or awkward passings-by, … just, instead, you see that old “once was” (you know, me) and you say “Hey, what’s up?”, or maybe I say it first, and you actually stop to listen, even if just for long enough to indicate your disinterest.  I don’t think it’s a major thing to ask of a person… in fact, I think it’s the price we all pay for simply knowing who a person is.  And you don’t get to un-know.  Knowledge is permanent.

Or, to put this all in more nerdy terms:  I know people are not computers and that life is not a network, but to me, seeing a person that I can’t say hello to and know a little bit more about and associate with when warranted (certainly never forced) is like finding a server that I can’t ping, that’s gone down.  I hate seeing a node down when I scan a list of servers.  I even don’t like knowing that there are nodes physically present that I otherwise can’t see because they’ve been unplugged or something.  To me, they are hiding in plain sight!  I want to bring them all back on-line so that the data of social existence can continue to flow without any workarounds.  Nothing is re-routed, no matter how automagic and indistinguishable the maneuver may be.

So, what I’m getting at is… honestly, I hate routing around you, and I’m tired of it.  Sure, I think you might hate that I exist, but if you look at me from the same perspective that I look at you, heck, in my mind we are all important, and even the least appropriate server to route your connection to has real substance for the overall integrity of the network.  It all fits together.

So, I propose that we reset the connection just so we don’t have to feel like we’re hiding in plain sight anymore.  You know, even if it’s just a case of “friends close, enemies closer”… all that good stuff.  Why?  Because, like I said, I still think you’re cool even if you can’t stand what I’m all about, and you still matter to me and the integrity of the networks we otherwise share, no matter how insignificant they may seem.

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